Showing posts with label cosmopolitan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cosmopolitan. Show all posts

Friday, March 27, 2009

Cosmopolitans and Cosmimosas - a way of life

I know I've mentioned this in previous posts, but I felt that an entire post dedicated to this was important. People can be defined by their drinks. The chart I made for class shows a broad definition of that and this is the first post in a line of many defining a specific drink by the people who drink it.

Women specifically can be stereotyped by the drinks they order. Women, specifically younger ones, often drinkrenise, or synchronize the drinks they order, thus causing me to pass the same judgement on all of them. (It's really easier that way, then I don't have to think up individual reasons to dislike them)

A cosmopolitan or a raspberry cosmimosa is the perfect personality tests. Women of all ages love the variations of this drink (thanks Sex and the City).

The younger cosmo/cosmimosa drinkers are more often than not sorority sisters, carrying some type of designer bag and all having straightened hair. They see this drink as "grown-up," but still flirtatious, which lends itself to coyly smiling at the man passed out on the bar who they think is looking at them. (His eyes are just rolled back in his head, he's not looking at you)



The type of older women who generally order raspberry cosmimosas, while there are always exceptions, are usually past prom queens, who also deem it necessary to sit and talk about every other person in the bar and who wear incredibly too much make-up - you're 35 honey, and married, so stop looking at the group of boys celebrating their friends 21st birthday.

Now I don't mean to sound like bitch, I myself have enjoyed a cosmimosa before. There are always the women who are exceptions, some women genuinely like cosmimosas, not just the reputation that comes with drinking them.

But as a standard, most of the women who come in and order any variation of a cosmo are all be cut from the same cloth and basically need to be told the same thing - proms over and no one cares if you met the entire cast of the Hills.


Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Women leave bad tips - it might be a genetic problem.

The worst tippers are women, specifically old women and those coming up on middle-age. If they work at Saks it's even worse. Typically, women are the nicer sex (apparently), but when it comes to compensation for the 15 midlife crisis cosmos that I've dropped at your table - 20 percent doesn't seem like a possibility.



Things that I've done to get a tip (from women, the list is entirely different for men...obviously):

1. found single guys and coerced them into joining the midlife crisis women
2. had the bartender create diet/sugar free/low sodium drinks after much begging and pleading
3. got them extra mayonnaise (this is a popular one)
4. got them extra napkins
5. got them free stuff after they consumed it and told me that it was too burnt/too salty/too sweet/too fatty/too alcoholic
6. prevented personal items from getting stolen
7. picked up scarves, sweaters, gloves, hats, lipstick, shoes and tampons from the floor

and finally...

8. convinced them that the cheeseburger they're eating really isn't that bad for them, so much protein. I eat them all of the time and I'm 125 lbs.... right... just keep drinking, it makes it seem better.

After bending over backwards, I get a measly $10 on a $100 bill (I'm a journalism major, but I'm still pretty sure that's 10 percent). Sometimes it just doesn't seem worth it, but then every once in a while you get that big tip from a group of ladies celebrating their friend's 50th birthday and you get a little more faith that all women aren't giant bitches.

Besides, I'd rather wait on the mid-life crises, than the 20-30 year-olds. It's like they are out to get you. There is a bitterness requirement for most of them. I'm not sure if it's because I act so happy, or if it's because I get to flirt with every man in the place honestly that they harbor such resentment.

Waiting on tables with those twittering former sorority girls forms visions of spilled mojitos and requests for a house salad with fat-free dressing.

Check please!