DBBs vs. My beauty sleep

You would think that someone who is about to be married in roughly three weeks would be keeping up on their beauty sleep.

The minute Adonis decides to harness his horses to ride across the night sky - the damn baby birds (DBBs) wake up.

The DBBs house in our shrubbery is level with the spot where the window opens. Just when you think 5:00 a.m. is going to go by unnoticed, you hear one little peep, then all of the sudden it is like every baby bird in the northern hemisphere is bearing down on you like they're on a kamikaze mission.

The DBBs start a chain of events. Once their shrieking commences, the dog wakes up and then comes to either side of the bed sniffing and licking and then eventually sneaks up onto the bed, only to languish herself upon me and lick every inch of my exposed skin.

At about 6:00 a.m., one hour from the beginning of my own personal water-boarding session, the sleeping grizzly bear who happens to be my betrothed is rousted and proceeds to yell profanity-laced variations of "BIRDS...SHUT UP!" every 20 minutes.


By the time my alarm goes off, I've already been awake for at least 1.5+ hours, resulting in less than eight hours per sleep per night and an extremely grumpy bride-to-be.

Etsy - I'm obsessed

So sorry that your entertainment level has dropped since May 31. I've been quite busy shopping on etsy. It's taking over my life.

All I can think about is the amount of cute products to search for. For instance how cute are these?!! At any rate with my impending nuptials, I've been searching for everything from earrings, to shoes, to a clutch, bridesmaid gifts (WHICH ARE AWESOME) and headpieces.

I've bought seven things off of Etsy in the last two weeks and I'm not stopping there. I'm an Etsy-buying-machine.

In a perfect world, our wedding/reception would arrive and if anyone sees fit to give us a gift, they would all be Etsy gift cards - is that a little overboard? do they even make Etsy gift cards?

Omg - the endless possibilities of Etsy gift cards!

(I think this is officially what the "deep end"looks like)

United Spanxs of America

Before college, I vaguely knew spanx and other bodyshapers existed and thought that I knew their purpose - to hold in fat...duh. However, I went from thinking that they were for people who had an awful lot to hold in, to becoming a faithful follower.

It all happened one Halloween in college when an acquaintance-turned-friend, who was as lithe as the day is long, decided to be Uma Thurman from Kill Bill in a form-fitting yellow jumpsuit. We walked into their apartment and there she was, fighting with her girdle. Why you ask would a 110 lb. dancer need a girdle? Well because that bodysuit left nothing up to the imagination and getting the sleek look that Uma sported, was not possible in the suit alone.

And thus began my spanxs journey... After countless outfit changes and tight-fitting dresses, worn only on days when I skipped lunch and a week after my period, I discovered my first bodyshaper. No longer are they limited in my mind to being for BBW, but are meant to be worn after eating one too many scoops of ice cream/cookies/tacos/margaritas. I discovered that I can wear that tight-fitting tank-top with no jiggly bits, which = #winning. Now bodysuits and bandage dresses are no match for my trusty undie-tectables.

Life's big decisions Part 2: I scream, you scream...no just I scream a lot.

So as I'm perusing my blog stats, I come across most referred site. Obvi, Facebook is at the top of the list, but hidden down in the corner, are search terms that people put in and ended up on my blog, and that's where I see it: screaming woman. This means that A. somebody actually Googled the words "screaming woman"and B. I'm what came up.

I thought to myself "Self, when did 'screaming woman' suddenly become my label? Does Google intrinsically know I'm the loudest 25-year-old in three states?"

I scream when I'm excited and wave my arms around like a crazy person.

I scream when I'm sad and wave my arms around like a crazy person.

I scream when I'm happy, which is usually also accompanied by gesticulation.

I do a soft-scream, more like an extremely loud talking, when I get carried away in telling a story.

I scream when I laugh and often times I am quite unflattering.

I scream at the very tippy top of my lungs when I've mad, which is usually 75 percent of the time.

So as it seems, I am a screaming woman. Thanks for clarifying Google.

The Bachelorette

Here's a rundown of my bachelorette party that happened this past weekend in Annapolis:

- Bought a backless bra for my 36Cs... could have been potentially dangerous, but worked out okay.
- Wore white pants and a cute, one-shoulder silk BCBG shirt
- Ate Mexican food/drank margaritas (yes plural) made with grain alcohol and tequila, obviously not a good way to start the night
- Party went from myself and six people, to myself and three ladies I barely know after a series of unfortunate events
- Pusser's Painkiller cocktail
- Chocolate Cake shots
- Bachelor party where everyone but the groom was creepy
- Chocolate Cake shots
- Wedding attendees who were very friendly
- Chocolate Cake shots
- Taking a cab literally 4 blocks because it was raining
- Meeting up with my fiance's bachelor party
- 007 cocktail
- Moving to the final destination in the pouring rain = hair ruined
- Dirty Shirley cocktail with plastic wrap over the top of the glass because I was apparently tipsy (good looking out bartender)
- Dancing like fool to a DJ
- Dirty Shirley cocktail
- Dancing like a fool to Single Ladies
- Returning back to our host's house and promptly falling in the driveway after eight hours of being out without spilling anything on my white pants
- Ripping pants and a bloody hole in my knee
- Waking up the next day to find that a little chunk of my hair had been cut to about four inches long- WTF.