Definition of a Cocktail Waitress - Part 2

Continued from my previous post, the second part of my definition of cocktail waitressing deals mainly with the customer and hospitality side.

There are variations on the cocktailing uniform of course, but the serving skills required are all the same. Being a former upscale dining server, I miss the slow-paced style that reigns in the dining room. The bar is entirely different. One minute you're rearranging the chairs hoping for at least enough customers to break even and the next the bar is full and patrons are screaming drink orders at you like it's last call on a Saturday night, even though it's only 5:30p.m. on a Tuesday.

Patience isn't necessary, just a memory that can remember that the guy with the beard got a McClellan 12 neat and his twin brother got the McClellan 25 neat - little variation, big difference (a shot of McClellan 12 is about $20, McClellan 25 is $50). Being that happy hour specials always change I don't find them necessary to memorize - of course most employers do, but just as long as I know the cheapest beer available (at our place Coors Lite), customers are happy.



As my final comment on the noble profession of cocktail waitressing, I leave you with this helpful information: never carry a tray with empty wine glasses through a crowd because all of them will most definitely break, while standing at the bar continually eating maraschino cherries you will undoubtedly be hit on and finally, laughing when a man orders a cosmimosa is not appropriate, no matter how old or large he is.

Definition of a Cocktail Waitress - Part 1

$11.98

The amount of my most recent paycheck, as well as the highest dollar amount that I've ever received in a paycheck. Two weeks worked, totaling about 30 hours.

I'm rich. I can afford almost exactly two draft Sam Adams at my place of employment.

This is my life as a cocktail waitress. I decided to begin my blogging career by describing the intricacies and depth of the definition of my "profession."

Wikipedia (which everyone knows is practically from God himself) describes a cocktail waitress as such: "A type of server who specializes in bringing drinks to patrons of bars, casinos, comedy clubs, live music venues and other drinking establishments. Casinos traditionally dress their cocktail waitresses in fancy outfits with very short skirts."

True, I specialize in carrying as many martini glasses as humanly possible to scores of pre-menopausal women, false that I look "fancy." My uniform is pretty standard as far as cocktailing goes. An all black shirt and skirt or dress with black stockings and non-skid restaurant approved shoes - doesn't sound too fancy. Of course there can be more than just a black long sleeve skirt and a pencil skirt added to the equation. I hesitate to say that we are encouraged to dress openly slutty, but it is more of a suggestive environment.

For instance, my first day on the job I remember my outfit perfectly, a belted black Express shirt dress with a headband and black thick tights. Upon walking up to my managers, "Emily, Vivian*is waiting to train you at the bar."

Second day, the tightest black pencil skirt humanly made with a low-cut shirt two sizes too small and a vest making modifications my mother wouldn't approve of, same black tights and hair thrown up haphazardly. Walking up the three same managers: "Emily you look so great!" times 3. Encouraged smut? Perhaps.

Lesson learned from the patrons and managers alike that day: cleavage means tips. Thus, I created a number scale for classifying the varying intensities of the money-makers.

0-1: burka
1-2: turtleneck (this only applies for small-chested girls)
2-3: loose t-shirt bearing words like "Baby's Mama" or "Gold Digger"
3-4: tight t-shirt for those flat girls and a turtleneck for sizes 38B+
4-5: necklines lower; scoop-necks, slight v-necks and collar bone exposing
5-6: visible skin bounce-age when skipping through the bar
6-7: button-downs and the like exposing enough to run a credit card through
7-8: shirts your mother would click her tongue at, see Pamela ---->
8-9: super tight, super low, super uncomfortable
9-10: belly button exposed due to plunging neckline; occasional nip slips; usually accompanied by no bra and a backless shirt
10+: pasties and nipple hardware - at this point you are crossing the line

I generally try to stay between five and eight, anything higher is a risk I'm not willing to take.

There are few ways a traditional cocktailer can express herself through her wardrobe. Patterned tights and headbands are my decadence of choice. I always opt for anything reminiscent of fishnets or anything sparkly. One final appearance comment: the more make-up the better. Wearing a lot of make-up, of course the sparkly kind, and the occasional set of false eyelashes enhance anyone's appearance towards a Kim Kardashian level.

Look back in a few days for the second part of the definition of a cocktail waitress.