Now hiring - all BOH positions, please don't be creepy or a convict

Line cooks - everyone has them, nobody likes them. The BOH (back of the house) staff are people like Quasimodo (without the kind-hearted part)- important to how things run, but not to be seen.

Fortunately for me, our line cooks and most of our dish washers are exceptionally irritating and most are on work release from halfway houses - obviously they are my best friends... not really.

There are the exceptions of course - the two line cooks from the Culinary Institute (who, in order to grab my attention, constantly sneak me food) I call friends (to their faces) and they are pretty okay guys. And one of the guys from the halfway house, Vinny, was really only involved in international drug dealing for awhile, so he's all right too.

The rest, I can take them or leave them, preferably leave.

Two of the cooks, Stefan and K are pretty much the bane of my existence. Every time I walk into the kitchen it's in fear that one of them will come up to me and ask me for a hug or comment on the beautiful color of my skin (Stefan frequently is the culprit for this).

I don't care how pretty you think I am, nor do I care that my "hugs make [your] day." In truth the thought of touching you makes me throw up in my mouth a little and no you can't have my number, you don't even have a phone.



I can't even stand in the kitchen and socialize with the other servers while I'm on the clock without the fear of you looking at me.

Not only do I want to wear mechanic overalls and a parka when they're around, but when I am waiting for a re-fire on a happy hour burger and they are standing there talking about what they are going to do when they "get out," I become incensed. I just want to remind them, that in all probability, within six months of their "release" they are probably going to be back in jail, don't get too excited.

I'm not asking much, just do you job quickly and efficiently and don't look at me, talk to me, talk about me or come within ten feet of me.