My dearest co-worker, Vivian, will be leaving our corporate work establishment in just three weeks to pursue other opportunities on an island in the south. I have a few words of farewell that I would like to say to her in this post. I realize I am bit early in my goodbyes, but I want to ensure that I'm not pissed at her when she leaves.
Firstly, I am so glad that you are finally going to be using one of your two degrees. If you ever need a friend to come visit you during the week over the fourth of July, free of charge, I'm your girl!
Secondly, I hate you for leaving me. Not only are you leaving behind all of our memories, like Rico, your other boy that mysteriously ended up in Dubai and the list I've made you of boys that you are not allowed to date (don't worry, I've already mailed two copies to your new address, the post office is holding them for you, and posted one on here --> see below), but you are also leaving me abandoned with the Locust (see Exodus).
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Vivian's Untouchables:
1. those who have a job that needs "bailed out"
2. line cooks (including by not exclusive to; fry cooks, salad prep, sous chefs, head chefs)
3. anyone else we work with
4. people who don't have a job, but do have a large drug habit
5. people who move to the middle east for a few weeks
6. people who have tax exemptions
7. those who have psycho girlfriends, or any girlfriends in general
8. valets
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Lastly thanks so much for the great friendship. Your mother, the Queen, has imparted some dear wisdom and fear into my heart and I hope that she continues to lecture, despite the miles between you. Thanks for gossiping all the times at work when I was bored and for the education that you gave me on African American hair.
Lastly I want to remind you of your sister Jordan's infinite wisdom:
"Just because he's human, doesn't mean you have to date him."
Firstly, I am so glad that you are finally going to be using one of your two degrees. If you ever need a friend to come visit you during the week over the fourth of July, free of charge, I'm your girl!
Secondly, I hate you for leaving me. Not only are you leaving behind all of our memories, like Rico, your other boy that mysteriously ended up in Dubai and the list I've made you of boys that you are not allowed to date (don't worry, I've already mailed two copies to your new address, the post office is holding them for you, and posted one on here --> see below), but you are also leaving me abandoned with the Locust (see Exodus).
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Vivian's Untouchables:
1. those who have a job that needs "bailed out"
2. line cooks (including by not exclusive to; fry cooks, salad prep, sous chefs, head chefs)
3. anyone else we work with
4. people who don't have a job, but do have a large drug habit
5. people who move to the middle east for a few weeks
6. people who have tax exemptions
7. those who have psycho girlfriends, or any girlfriends in general
8. valets
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lastly thanks so much for the great friendship. Your mother, the Queen, has imparted some dear wisdom and fear into my heart and I hope that she continues to lecture, despite the miles between you. Thanks for gossiping all the times at work when I was bored and for the education that you gave me on African American hair.
Lastly I want to remind you of your sister Jordan's infinite wisdom:
"Just because he's human, doesn't mean you have to date him."
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