Tuesday, March 17, 2009

St. Patrick's Day Eve - an oxymoron


Fitting in nicely with the drunken revelries of Saint Patrick's day is the Physics convention that has come to town.

Monday night started off like any other, slow, uneventful and cheap.

While I was busy consuming loaves of break and diet coke out of my boredom, the fun began.

Usually we don't get too many foreign people in our place. Everyone knows that they are notoriously bad tippers and we have our fair share like everyone else, but Mondays are usually devoted to regulars.

Fortunately for me, but for no one else, by 6:30 the room was filled with the sweet cacophony of Eastern languages. The Physics convention attendees had arrived.

I strolled around the tables, taking in all the formula glory and flirting with as many Asians as possible.

After filling all of the tables that our servers could handle, the hostess began to seat them with me, in the bar. Of course, one of the few Americans sitting was quick to point out that everyone there was a nerd, so they weren't going to drink much - boy was he right.

I don't think that we have ever served such a high volume of people with such a low volume of alcohol.

After one round of yuenglings, which took about 20 minutes to order because of the pronunciation, my first 4-top was done... and continued to sit at the table and write down equations on the bev napkins for 30 minutes. (I offered them shots, and then extra paper, but they declined both)

My next table was a group of five men, who ordered one bottle of wine... for all five of them. I could have drank that myself in the time it took them to pick up their glasses and take the first sip. The worst part was pouring the remainder of the bottle down the drain - they hadn't finished it all.

Other restaurants felt the wave of foreigners too. Many people asked me what there was to do in Pittsburgh (drink of course!) other than that, this late on a Monday - nothing. But the worst part was trying to describe the difference between draft beer and bottled, with hand motions.

All in all, no one drank (not one person ordered a Guinness!), everyone tipped poorly and at the end of the night, the restaurant was littered with fluttering bev napkins, covered in numerous physic-like symbols.


It's almost a affront to the Irish.

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