Life's big decisions: Part 1 To Danish or not to Danish

Lately I've found myself in compromising situations where my actions could potentially bring me embarrassment or awkwardness - yes people, I'm talking about continental breakfasts, dinners and other buffet-style luncheons.

I'm not shy, but when it comes to going back up in front of 50 people at a continental breakfast with the West Virginia Board of Governors - I must admit I'm hesitant to take that second (okay fine third) cheese danish. Here's how it happens:

Me: My plate is empty. I want another cheese danish.
Danish: Well since I'm the only one left you better scurry up here and grab me before that fat secretary gets the chance.
Me: Shit I better get up there and get that danish before that fat secretary steals it.
Danish: I'm only chock-full  of 1,000 calories no one is going to be judging you thinking "Really, lady are you sure that's a good idea?"
Me: Maybe I can just pretend to be getting fruit, but in reality slip that cheese danish onto my plate while everyone stares and wonders if I'm seriously taking the last danish.
Danish: You're only getting married this summer, another 1,000 calories in addition to that quiche, muffin and two danishes you've already eaten isn't going to matter.
Me: Maybe I shouldn't,  I am getting married this summer...but my dress does lace-up the back....
Danish: iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou.
Me: Okay fine here I go...(Danish in hand)...Do not put it in your mouth until you sit back down...Suck it in... - Oh no! the waiter cleared my plate do I go back and get another one in front of all of these people or just sit it on the table - (wolfing down danish while walking) - Hopefully no one saw that.
Fat Secretary: Drat, that stupid reporter with the low self-confidence took the last danish. I hope her skirt seams hold.


*As a general rule I do not eat from buffets restaurants; i.e. Hosses/Ryan's/Ponderosa/Country Buffet/Panda Chinese due to the old man/screaming child/truck driver/loud-mouth woman who spread salmonella and other ickies around the marinated mushrooms- gross.